today i awoke from early morning dreams that 1. today was a holiday so i could stay home from work and 2. a fictional video call between myself and lover. How can i tell him that i am good with and prefer to not message, then fight urges to message him? And reach for my phone in hopes a message is from him?
i was close to messaging this morning that i dreamt of him - maybe i’ll send that tomorrow to inspire a phone call. it makes sense why i want to avoid it - our chemistry is so in-person; we are compatible in how i want to look at his lips and touch his forearm
and how his eyes crinkle when he talks…. I’m so physical touch and quality time oriented that i wonder if it’s worth attempting to virtually replicate the strength of our string. But i still want to know he’s thinking of me, like i am thinking of him without reaching out. Can he tell me? i want him to let me know he thinks of me at night, hands gripping.
can i send him a nude? would he like that?
he told me in Japanese things exists farther into the subtle realm, like instead of telling someone they’re beautiful, you would say, “the moon is beautiful tonight.” if i say, i’m thinking of the moon tonight, i think of the moon when i wake up and sometimes in the middle of the night, that i wonder about the moon in fleeting moments…, will he know? he is the moon?
Sinead O'Connor at Lourdes in France, where she was ordained as a Priest in the Latin Tridentine Church and adopted the name Mother Bernadette Mary O'Connor in 1999. Photos by Michael Crabtree.
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